I just looked at my blog and sawthat the last post that I wrote was on the 21st of June. Even before then, my writting has significantly diminished as I continue to I get over the death of Ogbogu. I miss Ogbogu, but time has continued the heal the rawness of the pain. I’m learning that the pain will continue to be a part of who I am. It will be a part of my family’s life forever and it’s ok. We are all learning how to deal with it. Everyday when I see a picture, a video or the t-shirts for Ogbogu’s funeral, I feel my heat drop. I can’t believe that it has been over two months since we lost him.

When I came back from London, I went right to work. I felt that I had lost so much time and had to go on overdrive in order to make up for the time that I had lost. I was in the gym the day after I got back. I had a photo shoot 3 days after I got back to NYC. I felt that this was what I had to do in order to get back on top of my game. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t getting enough sleep. Getting back to being busy again, as quickly as possible was what I thought that I needed to do. I was able to do that, but I didn’t pay attention to the fact that my body was breaking down. Onward and upward! No time to look back.

I continued to push until my body said STOP! The mind can only over ride the body for so long. I came down with the flu late on the saturaday evening. I felt terrible, not just because I had a massive headache, severe joint pains and high fever, but I was pissed off that I was going to lose more time. I felt that I was getting back into a groove and BOOM! Your body will tell you when it needs you to chill the hell out. And now I have no choice but to sit at at home and do nothing. I hated it at first, but I’m coming to terms with it now. I haven’t taken this much medication in nearly 10 years, but it is necessary. I don’t think I’ve slept this much since I was a baby. It actually feels good now.

This weekend, I’m going to relax, watch tennis (even though the Williams sisters are out of Wimbledon) and movies. I also have the several marathons of ‘Law and Order’ to keep me company. Stay warm and out of trouble this July 4th weekend.