AFRICAN MOTHERS: BE PATIENT WITH YOUR UNMARRIED DAUGHTERS

African model mother picture painting

Happy Monday!!! It’s the first day of the week and I hope that we are all ready to grab the bull by the horns today. Speaking of grabbing the bull by the horns, I found an extremely well written article and wanted to share it with all of you. This article speaks to understanding and taking control of our lives. Read more…

By China Okasi, Special to CNN

Editor’s note: China Okasi, an entrepreneur and frequent commentator on various TV networks, is the founder of the Daily Mocha and executive director of Women of Media.

Moms everywhere like to ask their unmarried daughters dreaded questions like: Why are you still single? Are you married yet? Anyone catch your eye? Especially around Valentine’s Day.

Sure, we’ve seen Carrie Bradshaw agonize over the issue, watched Bridget Jones’ awkwardness around it, heard Amelie’s lamentations au Francais, and we’ve even heard from the lovable Mindy Kaling vis-a-vis her Indian-American perspective. But, we haven’t heard the modern African woman’s story.

Being an unmarried African woman in her childbearing years is like being a manicurist with a hand tremor: very odd and rather tricky. She is expected to marry early and marry well.

African mothers, then, are in a deep crisis. They immigrated to the United States with the hopes that their daughters would get a good education and fulfill the American Dream. But they never considered that, along with having all that modernity, their daughters would, like the rest of America’s young, empowered women, be so “late” in marriage.

Granted, African moms are not alone in their hopes. But still, some of them seem particularly affected. What shall they do?

Well, first, they might accept that their daughters have not just a “double consciousness,” as W. E. B. Dubois termed it, but rather infinite consciousnesses, complicating their very blackness. If an upper middle-class girl has one or more African parents, for example, she has likely schooled in the United States or Europe — maybe even a generation after her own parents have.

And she has likely spent a fair amount of time in London via Lagos, a common lifestyle practice for those of formerly colonized African countries. If she has lived down South, say in Texas, for some time, she has likely acquired a George Bush twang for survival sake. If she has taken up a neuroscience residency in Boston (which, of course, she must, if she is African), she might now sound like Matt Damon’s sister. And the minute she wins an accolade in some not-so-diverse department (which, of course, she must, being African), she’ll be labeled the “first African-American” to have done so.

In short, she is global. If she is living in a melting pot like New York, she is global on steroids. Naturally, global girls outgrow such local traditions as arranged marriages, dowry and bride price, which have not been exclusive to African tradition (see the English period drama, “Downton Abbey”) but have certainly lingered longer in homes of African descent.

African moms need to accept that globalism has allowed their daughters to know the world better, and as a result, seek partnerships more wisely. This process of self-determination takes a tad longer to form than setting up an arranged marriage.

Thankfully, my mom, educated in America, a New Yorker and rather global, has not been as insistent on marriage with me. But it seems like only yesterday her older sister, my aunt, warned about the dangers of waiting too long, or being too educated, to be married.

Really, if you’ve watched Maggie Smith’s blunt character, Lady Violet Crawley, in “Downton Abbey,” you have watched my aunt. Despite being an accomplished woman who acquired a Ph.D. later in life, she praised my graceful exit from my doctoral program. I’d just turned 21 when I’d chosen a rather eccentric doctoral study. In her words: “What man would marry a 20-something-year-old Ph.D.-holder?” It would be too intimidating to men.

“I’d do better to tone it down a bit,” she suggested. Which brings me to my second plea to African moms. If you want your daughter to be as happy or happier than you have been in marriage, it makes no sense that she should dumb down the colorfulness of her character, the boldness of her spirit and the fire that made her the “first African-American” this or that in order to appease those who are potentially intimidated by her.

If you’d never match a conservative Christian with a flagrant porn star, it’s not clear why today’s educated woman should edit herself in hopes of attracting a feeble idiot. Yes, she’d be married, but then she’d live only to repress herself for someone else’s ego — and what kind of message would that be for the children?

You see, dear African moms, global girls need global boys. Not intimidated ones.

We can sit and try to make sense of why one kind of match would work or not work for a global girl, but we must concede that love is messy and unpredictable. Love is not like your daughter’s medical career with a blueprint to follow, or like a GPS map that can calculate the distance between Addis and Accra.

Yesterday’s woman wanted marriage. Today’s woman wants love — and marriage, if it turns out that way. Olivia Pope’s character in the TV series “Scandal” spoke quite unapologetically for today’s woman when she said: “I could probably give all this up, and live in a country house and have babies and be normal. I could. But I don’t want to. I’m not built for it. I don’t want normal and easy…and simple. I want…painful, difficult…devastating…life-changing…extraordinary love.”

Extraordinary love? Sometimes, dear African moms, that process is just a little more complicated than marrying your cousin like in the 18th century. So, you’ll just have to be patient.

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Ngo Okafor

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From CNN.com

MITT ROMNEY’S SMART MOVE BY SPEAKING TO THE NAACP

It’s a safe bet that Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney will not garner many votes from African-Americans in November.

Not only is he running against the first black president, Barack Obama, the GOP has done such a lousy job of cultivating black voters over the past 40 years that it has pretty much given Democrats an easy path to winning 90% and more of black voters.

Yet despite the long odds, Romney’s decision to speak to at the NAACP national convention in Houston next month is a smart move, and one that could be beneficial to his candidacy and the future prospects of the party.

Let’s face it, the Republican Party is as white as it could be. Sure, the party can boast of the electoral wins of Reps. Allen West and Tim Scott, both African-American; Indian-American Govs. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana and Nikki Haley of South Carolina; and Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida and Gov. Susana Martinez of New Mexico, both Hispanic. But the GOP gets virtually nothing from black folks, and Hispanics predominantly vote for Democrats.

And with minorities in America quickly becoming the majority, the GOP had better figure out real soon that relying on white voters to win local, state and national elections ain’t the smartest electoral strategy.

Most of the GOP’s outreach to minority groups is targeted at Latinos. Anything that targets black folks is cursory at best, and frankly, that is really the GOP’s fault.

Any number of white Republicans — Doug Hoye, who now works for Rep. Eric Cantor; former Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman; Ari Fleischer, former press secretary for President George W. Bush — have told me personally that they have prodded the party to expand its messaging to appeal to African-Americans.

Yet it seems the GOP is deathly afraid of reaching out to black folks. I’ve even said that it seems like the GOP is scared of black people. That has ticked off some conservatives, but it’s real.

I’ve had a difficult time getting white Republicans in Congress to come on my TV One cable network Sunday morning news show, “Washington Watch.” We’ve had an open invitation for the last three years for every member of the GOP’s House and Senate caucuses to come on the show, but only Reps. Tom Price of Georgia, Pete Olson of Texas and Steve King of Iowa have accepted the offer.

You would think a backbencher who never gets called by a network would be willing to get some face time on the only one-hour Sunday morning news show targeting African-Americans on a black cable network, but GOP press secretaries have been pretty awful at even returning e-mails and phone calls.

By making the effort to attend the NAACP, Romney will have an opportunity, finally, to present an agenda that will be of interest to African-Americans.

Now I’m sure there will be some who will say, “A black agenda should be an American agenda.” But let’s be real: Politicians appeal to constituencies all of the time. What you say to socially conservative evangelicals isn’t the same thing you tell Latino elected officials, and we know that speaking to women’s organizations isn’t the same as talking a LGBT group.

The reality is that when issues such as mandatory minimum sentences are discussed, that affects African-Americans in a different way than the rest of the country.

If the issue is HIV/AIDS, there is no doubt a general message is vital, but when the rise today is among African-Americans, then a different focus is necessary.

The nation’s housing crisis, of course, is a general issue. But 53% of black wealth was erased between 2005 and 2009 due to the housing foreclosure crisis, according to an analysis of government data by Pew Research, and with the Census Bureau reporting this week that whites have 22 times the wealth of blacks, how to close that gap is worthy of a discussion.

As a major education advocate, I support every form of education — public, private, charter, magnet, home school, online, vouchers, you name it. Romney should be willing to specifically address what he plans on doing about education, especially as it relates to African-Americans. The high school dropout rate in the nation is way too high for African-Americans, and that should be on the table.

With GOP state legislatures adopting onerous voter suppression laws, Romney better understand that protecting the right to vote is mandatory among African-Americans.

Bottom line, Romney has a lot of material to work with when he comes to the NAACP, and Republicans need to understand that speaking on issues that black folks care about, and offering substantive policies and not just happy talk, can lead to success.

When Mike Huckabee was governor of Arkansas, he enjoyed black support at the polls above 40%, and the same for Ohio Sen. George Voinovich. But that only happens when you don’t run from African-Americans, and instead engage them, dialogue with them and work with them.

The GOP should be thinking of the long term and not the short term. Sure, in the interim, it’s not going to result in a huge bloc of votes, but the only way the GOP can break the Democrats’ lock on the black vote is to go after it.

But Mitt, just do me one favor when you speak to the NAACP: Please don’t come with that “Party of Lincoln” crap. The GOP of today ain’t the GOP of the 1800s. Black folks rewarded Republicans for decades based on Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation, and Richard Nixon erased that with the implementation of the “Southern strategy,” which was all about alienating black voters and appealing to white voters.

I say it’s time to emancipate the GOP from its hostility toward African-Americans. Speaking to the NAACP is a step, but that must be followed by many other outreach efforts large and small.

But it’s a start. And I’ll be right there in my hometown of Houston, Mitt, to see if you offering empty platitudes or a real blueprint for change that black folks could realistically consider.

From CNN.com

Posted by Ngo Okafor

The most downloaded black male model

www.getingo.com